2011 was a year filled with so many great happenings. They did not start as great things all the time mind you, but in the end, things have gone very well.
I began to work on my relationship with God. In the past I thought about God being necessary only when I could not get it done myself or in emergencies. Really, I felt like who has this much time to spend time watching me and correcting me about every little thing? Turns out, God does have that time and wants me to depend on him more. So I do now. I pray and move forward, I talk to him all the time without censure. Next year, I will start using You Version to study the Bible. I really want to understand what God wants for me, what he wants me to do and who he wants me to be. I believe and have faith that he will give me the desires of my heart – things I have not earned – could never earn – just merely asked for – because He and his kingdom is that generous. I also began to see what love IS. Not just the romantic stuff in the books or on the movie screen, but real love in action is easy to see when you look at things from God’s point of view. What I have learned is that I am loved very much.
Working on the relationship with God began the work on accepting and loving myself. I thought that all these other different movements would make that possible – natural hair, fat acceptance etc., NOT. I had to accept all of me from how I feel to what I want. I had to truly accept that I am not superwoman and that I am merely human. Now I go to the gym 3 times a week to work out and I eat a great deal better. When I am full I am FULL and I stop eating. I drink water, am learning to avoid fried food and to eat more veggies and fruit. I also try to avoid soda and find myself drinking less and less of it. Gum is my new friend and if I want something be it sweet or fried I do not deny myself. I am learning how to eat my fill and leave the rest there for another day. In other words, I am working on getting healthy – not thin necessarily. I am also interested in feeling good about my body and this too, due to the exercise and eating better is beginning to occur. I also understand that this is a process and will not happen overnight and that too is fine with me. This, for me, is a LOT of growth.
Earning this Bachelor’s degree is coming to an end Summer 2012. And because I want a better position at a place that is NOT corporate, I began to apply out. Corporate has been very good to me, but it lacks the we are on common ground in large part attitude that you get working with folks who work for the government. I expect prosperity and growth and I began that belief in 2011. I know God looks upon me with favor, and now more and more I am beginning to walk in it too. Like a nut, I will be back in school to earn my degree in Librarianship hopefully Spring of 2013. Yep, I am a sucker for punishment. LOL.
Family relationships and friendships have worked out and some relationships have definitely changed. I am learning that sometimes everything must be an uproar or totally rooted up. There is simply now way around doing so all of the time. I am enjoying the relationships that I have with folks in my life now because I have discovered that I am the main ingredient. If I find that something is crazily unhealthy I have the power to discuss it or move on from it. Usually I pick the latter. I have learned over the years that in the end the only person you can mold is yourself and little kids. Other than that, grown folks are gonna do and be themselves. I am really good with that. I love peace too much to fight with another person about every little thing. Not. Gonna. Do. It.
I used to believe that I could not endure pain or rejection much so I avoided relationships. Now I have learned umm that I will survive and I will continue to put myself out there to get new friends and to have a solid companionship/marriage. I keep surprising myself and having that kind of courage really makes me proud of myself. I did not think that I had it in me. I am learning smething new about myself daily. I also am learning that I am really old school in a lot of ways. I also have some definite feminist thoughts and ideas. I figure that my husband is gonna be a doozy. LOL.
There are so many things that I will take from 2011 that are so positive. I could not possibly list them all. However, I know that things will get better, even when the storms come if I keep believing, keep having faith in God, keep building my character and taking care of myself and keep daring to try and to hope.
I found, got and gave a lot of love in 2011. I pray that this continues for me and others throughout the 2012.
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