So, it’s been a while. Life has a way of pulling you into it and keeping you moving on. I have a need to write, so writing I shall do. Let’s get started, shall we?

I currently go to Curves and when I can’t make it in 3 times a week, I do what I do at home. My dad is pressuing me to do more – but I am through with involving him in my exercise plans. Really, sooner or later we are going to have a talk. I am tired of all of the pressure to be perfect, that I am not enough or don’t do enough. I realize that he just wants me to be better and to be healthy, but all of the needling is enough. Accept me or leave me alone. Go. Bug. Your. Other. Kids. Ohhhh – that is right. They keep you out so that you just see the results of whatever they are doing in their lives. Me, I live my life in your face. Sometimes I get tired. I. Am. Officially. Tired. Now.

Got back to online dating. Figure I better go for the life that I really want. I do love the work that I do, but frankly, I do not want my life boiled down to reporting to work, learning wk skills and hanging out with my girlfriends. I want a companion – and no, not a dog. I want someone to build a life with and to grow old with. I am in the office with a person who – well this is her life. And I guess if she is happy with it, good for her, but I do not want this to be IT for me. Moving on. She was a bit of a pest, but now that I just do my own thing and live my life, she is NOT. This is fine. Work only please and thank you.

Getting ready to graduate college. It has been a long haul. Mentally, I need a break. I am going to give myself one too. All of the pressure gets to me. I am putting in my prayers, taking my time to listen to and turning it over to God. Yep, turning a lot of stuff over to God and moving forward too. I simply cannot control everything and will not continue to try. I have a life I want to live and I am going to go for it. Graduate school here I come and new job too – better job, better pay, good hours and a better LIFE. That is all a girl can ask for It is what I am praying, asking and striving for.

Sometimes, well often life does not go the way that I want it to, but I don’t allow that to keep me from living like I want to live. I pray for peace, I pray for a good life, I mean – I pray for a lot of stuff now and I take the time to enjoy my life now too. I really don’t run from too much – but I will move on if the situation that I am in makes me uncomfy or makes me – remember things that I am trying to move on from. I do not mind earthing up old hurtful feelings – but I do mind when you won’t acknowledge what you have done or what you do. Really at the heart of it, this is what makes me leave my co-worker and my dad alone. The refusal to acknowledege your OWN behavior. I can be responsible for mine – how I have acted etc. but you will not be responsible and accountable for yours and things you have done. I will forgive but NO I will not forget. I have attempted to do the forgiving thing to my own demise and frankly – never again. I will be peaceful, and I will move on.