More each day my cover is comeing off, coming down. More, each day. I hide under sweet smiles and cunning tounge. More and More that comes down and I must deal with the pain and the hope. the faith and the desolation. Every day I am being flayed. My flesh comes off painfully. the skin being pulled at comes off and turns quickly into gray ash. I sometimes use that ash to grieve. I grieve over what was, what I wish I had, what I always wanted, my secret dreams, my secret sorrows, my heart. with tears and phlegm on my face I look up and notice the dawning of tomorrow. while wiping my face off I note the clear blue sky, the wispy clouds. I note the color of the trees and the wonders of birds in different, blues, reds, the flowers spouting out their clean bright chipper colors and the pavement, the buildings and the people and…… I am angry and disgusted that the world travels on as I watch. I am hurting. It hurts, it hurts. And then a cool, warm soothing peace washes over me. Washes over me. I cease gathering up the gray gunk that lays there; it is being all washed away. I turn my head towards the son. My ears are gently caressed by the voice that speaks in my voice and says, I know. The flesh feels wonderful and it hurts, this flaying does it not. It speaks a little louder. I know that it is Him. It is but a little thing. I can hear the smile and the comfort. Oh child of mine. I am here with you. It must be flayed off. My heart beats more slowly now. I have today brought you your mantle and you cannot wear it effectively covered in this old flesh that holds on when it ought to let go. See you are being covered and being made new. It is not pleasant though I know, and the past, it beckons, but alas, you cannot. YOU MUST MOVE FORWARD. In this time in this space right now I know that you want to stop because you never knew it could hurt so. But I promise you, I will be with you through all of it, you will become a new creature, I will walk you through to the other side of this where you will live a life better and bigger than your dreams. It is ok to mourn for a little while. IT is also ok to move on anyway. Do not sit in the decaying flesh or its graying ashes. It will be too hard to wash off and I want you to be free of them. Move forward. Have courage, have faith,live excellently. Know that I am with you. Always. With that proclomation, I cried with relief. I was not alone. I wept with happiness. It is not in vain. I tentatively began to take a step out of the past, out of the waste leaving the ashes in my wake….
