Lately, I have thought about my weight and my health. I have tried, I have worked so hard to lose weight, to stay motivated, to eat right, to workout. I have tried. I tried to NOT get diabetes, not to have heart and cholestorol issues. I have tried. NOW, I realize that I need help. I am going to have one of those bariatric procedures. And NO, I am not asking anyone else what they think. Those who will support me will support me, those who won’t and don’t, well it has been nice, but I gotta do what is good for me.
I am tired. I am so tired.
This is for my HEALTH. This is for my LIFE. And though I am terrified, I am going to get it done now for ME. For Me. The journey continues…
But I also gotta be honest. It is almost like I am calling myself a failure. A part of me wants to continue to do it the old fashioned way. my knees hurt, my feet hurt, I am tired of being the big girl in the group. I am tired of feeling uncomfortable in my clothes, I am tired of not living my life as fully as I could becasue I am so damned self conscious. For my self esteem and my health, I am going to do this. I am going to go through all the steps and change. My. Life. I am scared though. I expect to have many, many, many crying jags. I expect to need a lot, lot, lot of support. So if, dear reader you come here and I seem terrified, reach out to me. I am learning that I need people too. And it is ok for me, Nikita, to need and it is ok for me to admit that I am tired, I am scared and I need help. I do. I am moving on now. Please, please, pray for me.
Dear God, I am terrified. I know that you will be with me the whole time, but I am terrified about what I am seriously considering doing. I know it will be great for my health and my life. I will take more chances, live better, hope for me and take more opportunities. I allowed so much of my life and time to be … abused. Lord, I am speaking up today. I am. Thank you God for being with me. Please guide me in this endeavor. I have considered it for about two years, and now, now, I will move forward in it. I am scared, I am. I am ALSO moving on. I will take my time with this and I will move forward.
