Recently, opportunities have come to me and I am doing my darndest not to just watch them walk away. I am also doing my darndest not to eat myself in oblivion worrying about taking these changes on. They are neccessary. Trying to live a life of excellence and being greatful for what you have, taking chances, making changes, accepting what life throws at you, forgiving, having faith, loving life, loving self, being giving to others, … all those things that make you a better person also is some serious WORK. I mean, WORK. I want to eat. I want to give myself a pass and not take my walk, but I will, not do my exercise tape but I will. It makes me want to scream cause my weekends, which I value so very much will not just be mine anymore. I seriously consider giving up, but heck that ain’t ever worked for me before and this time I am doing something new. I am not condemning myself for being tired or trying to find some kind of balance, no, not at all. I am just admitting that today… I am tired and the prospect of taking on more makes me more tired. However, I do understand that my constantly taking myself out of the game and not fighting on, but resting and never coming back out on the field has done me more harm than good over the past few years. I deserve to give myself better, to have a better life, to have the life that I want and YES need. I need beauty and quiet and a hubby, and a good home and stability and not to worry incesstantly about money and safety, and family and health. Here, here? Well here is where I put in my sweat equity. I show up to help folks do it for themselves and this is time for me to do it for me. Heck yeah, I want to give up and sleep and …. OH God, I want to say to heck with it, it is too hard, but I am going to do the hard things for myself this time, I am going to show up for me. It is hard though. It is really, really hard. However, it is hard only because I have not pressed on like THIS before. Today, I caught myself before I called in, caught myself before I just went home at the regular time. I know what my goals are for my life. I understand that it is more than I have ever really reached for before. I am good at encouraging others to do what they need to for their lives. It is time I pressed on in my own. I am tired, but this, too, will pass.
I am reminding myself while I am still at work that this is the gateway to taking care of one part of my life. I am not superwoman, I do not know everything, I am leaning into faith and I am gonna do the best I can. Life is getting better, and so. am. I. This is the time to put in the sweat equity. After the work, after the reaching just a little bit higher I will reach where I am trying to go. I will have a serious and honest sense of accomplishement and value. No, I am not talking about material things, I am talking about having the courage to have the life I want. I am tired, but I will press on and rest at the appointed time. Trust me. I will learn the balancing act of work, life and beauty too and contine on. I hope that everyone who stops here and reads once in a while will also be patient with themselves and do the same.
PS- I am removing some of my old post or making them private because I am letting things go and moving on. If you would like to read anything over that I have written and it is now down, let me know.
