Epiphany

I had an epiphany at about 5:40 am this morning.  I have taken care of people, things and stuff for most of my life.  Since my sis had her kids and I assisted my parents with their care (17 yrs old!), I have taken care of things people and stuff for most of my life.  I have sat back and watched everyone live their life, do their thing and wondered when they would involve me in a meaningful way and you know what, I am tired of doing that.  It is almost like I am wallpaper or a back drop taking care of everything and making sure things run smoothly when it should be everyones job.  Everyone should be making sure that they are not knocking the boat over, but I am the one who keeps attempting to do so.  Heck, I am tired.  I am done with doing that to.   It has gotten to be too much.  I get overwhelmed with trying to set stuff right, heck I don’t even know what is really wrong.  Instead of there being an effort on the persons part to cooperate, they start thinking it is my damn job.  It is not.  Carry your own shit.  I am tired of trying to put it in order for you.  I have my own stuff I need to get off my back, my own bags to unpack and throw old stuff out of. 

I am not a maid,  I am not a slave, and I am not a watcher of life.  I am getting involved in it.  I am taking my time and figuring out what I really want.  I am no longer trying to take care of the world and suffocating the hell out of my self in the process.  Deal with it. It is a new day.  I will smile, embrace and have joy in it.

Nikita